A large body of research has shown that teens who openly discuss sex and sexuality with their parents reduce their risky sexual behaviour, leading to improved reproductive health.
by 
Ayobami Precious Adekola, University of South Africa
The “birds and the bees”. The “facts of life”. Whatever you call it, many parents dread discussing sex and sexuality with their teenagers. They may be embarrassed, or worried that they don’t understand some concepts. In some countries, cultural norms may mean it’s considered inappropriate for adults and adolescents to talk about sex.
However, these are conversations worth having. A large body of research has shown that teens who openly discuss sex and sexuality with their parents reduce their risky sexual behaviour, leading to improved reproductive health.
It’s also important to remember that this won’t be a one-off discussion. Adolescents undergo constant development, facing new questions and challenges as they grow. Continuous dialogue allows parents to provide ongoing guidance, address emerging concerns, and reinforce values over time. It also fosters an atmosphere of trust and openness.
I’m a public health researcher who studies adolescent sexuality, sexual and reproductive health. Based on my research, as well as on frequent interactions with both teenagers and their parents, I’ve put together this guide to address parents’ common questions and concerns. I hope this advice can help you to engage your teens in open, honest and helpful dialogues about sex and sexuality.
There is no universally “right” age to start discussing sex and sexuality with your children. However, I’d suggest that you can initiate discussions about body parts and puberty before your kids are 10. Conversations specifically about sex and sexuality can begin around age 10.
No matter your teens’ age, it is important for parents to create a safe space for these discussions by letting your teens know they are not being judged, and that everything they say is confidential.
Family dynamics differ in every household. Sometimes teenagers trust or are more comfortable with one parent than the other. However, both parents should be on the same page to avoid giving contradictory messages to their teens. In a two-parent household, it is beneficial to have both parents involved in discussing sexuality education with their teen, but it is not necessary to always do it together. A combination of individual and joint conversations can be effective.
Some of the important topics parents can discuss with their teenagers include
Many parents have their own misconceptions and biases about sex, often rooted in religious or cultural beliefs. But the reality is that avoiding discussions about sex does not stop teenagers from engaging in sexual activities or seeking information from other sources. Studies have shown that “parent-child communication is strongly associated with a child’s safer sex practices, including condom use and delayed sexual debut”.
Face your own biases and sexual prejudices head on when talking to your teens. For instance, don’t shy away from talking about the spectrum of LGBTQ+ identities. Focus on the importance of respecting, accepting and accommodating different sexual orientations and gender identities.
You’re not alone. Most parents are not experts on these topics. The important thing is to listen actively – tune in to their thoughts and feelings as they talk – without judgement, and with empathy. Try to be thoughtful, factual and compassionate when answering their questions. Don’t be dismissive.
You also don’t need to have all the answers immediately to hand. It is OK to ask your teenagers to give you some time to research the topic. You might suggest researching it together, or asking them to do some research and talk to you about what they find out.
Another practical and effective way to deal with your teen’s questions and concerns is to connect them with available community resources. These could be school counsellors or community healthcare providers, such as doctors and nurses, who can offer age-appropriate information and confidential medical care. Look for local community organisations and support groups that can provide sexuality education, peer support and safe spaces. Parents’ recommendations and referrals will boost young people’s trust in these care services, encouraging them to use the resources and services.
First and foremost, it is wonderful that your teenager felt comfortable enough to share this with you, and it is great that you are willing to learn and be supportive. Here are some steps you can take to support your teenager who has come out to you as LGBTQ+:
Providing accurate information, fostering open communication, and offering support equips your teen to navigate sex and relationships responsibly. When parents talk about sex and sexuality with their teenagers, it is an investment in their future health and well-being. By approaching it with sensitivity, honesty, and empathy, you can build a strong foundation for open communication and empower your teens to make informed decisions.
Ayobami Precious Adekola, Postdoctoral Researcher, University of South Africa
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
